As I prepare to return to the craziness of school, I want to reflect for a moment on this summer. I have learned much, taught a little, fallen down more than once, and gotten up a little wiser every time. I have tried to love with the love of Jesus. I have tried to listen and speak in proper proportion. Most of all I have thought. The many drops that are my thoughts make a river that has meandered coolly through all the events of this summer and now looks ahead to the coming semester. This river is mostly just plain old water; it is nothing worth writing about, and, although it is important to me, it would only get you wet. There are however some currents. Here is current number one. More will follow.
Current 1
I am God's own possession, His cherished child who was bought with a price. And since I am a Christian, my own life is hidden away with Christ. All my actions and relationships are intricately involved with my faith, and since it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me, everything in my life draws energy and meaning from my relationship with Christ. This truth became especially evident towards the beginning of the summer. If you can, imagine an intense game of tug-of-war between to young boys. As they both pull with all their might they are held in a sort of balance that, though it is exhausting, is somewhat safe. When one of the boys lets go, this balance is upset. The tension is broken, and the boy on the other end of the rope falls to the ground. He lies there panting for a second, happy to have won the game, happy just to have finished.
I don't know if I won the game last semester, but when the tension was released, I, just like that little boy, lay there panting. Unfortunately, I didn't get up and claim my trophy. Instead I lay there lazily until the success of a great semester morphed into something very different. Instead of plunging ahead into what God had for me, I just lay on the mat. I lost sight of my purpose and grew spiritually apathetic. After a few weeks of this I began to notice that everything had lost its color. I was trapped in a black-and-white world.
Everything I did seemed bland. I did what I did simply to fill the hours until I was so tired that I couldn't stay awake doing nothing anymore. My relationships even with the people I love the most were routine, and I began to long for the vibrancy of a life enriched by the savior of the world at work through his spirit inside me. I asked Christ to forgive me for my apathy and cynicism and to color my world and my heart once more with the intensity of his calling and purpose. I asked him to inject his love back into my relationships with others.
This was not the first time my life had lost its leaven, but it was the first time that I let the Lord really encourage me through the restoration process. In the midst of my brokenness He showed me that it many ways I am following the way of Jesus. I don't have everything figured out, but the very fact that my life without Jesus is no life at all shows that I have bet the whole bank on this Jesus thing. I have irreversibly cast my lot with the man from Nazareth to the degree that everything that means the most to me finds its meaning in him.
For instance, I have probably the greatest best friend in the world. He and I truly share life together, and we wouldn't have it any other way. But even my relationship with my best friend is lifeless and frustrating when he and I aren't walking with our truest friend. This is because our relationship developed around our passion for Christ.
My prayer is that any time I stray from the life-giver, my colorless world will remind me that He is the source of my every breath.
